The Word
by a.l.russo
Summary: Long night at the office.... e/o. Just some 3 A.M. writing again. Enjoy!


People were so afraid of the word; the four-letter word that could change the course of one's life forever. Some say it too soon, others hold it back and regret not saying it in the first place. And some… some just throw it around as if it were nothing. As if the word truly had no meaning behind it.

Olivia could never fathom it; how such a little word had so much power behind it. She had never said it and honestly meant it to anyone, and even when she had those rare periods in her life where she was dating, she didn't dare speak the word. "It's like choosing your wedding cake on your first date," she had heard on a TV show.

But there was one person in her life that made her mind— and most importantly, her heart — consider speaking the word out loud. He brought her coffee in the morning, he drove her home at night, and he surprised her with 2 A.M. wake-up calls because he knew that she wasn't sleeping. He was always there, whether she liked it or not, and without him, she would be nothing.

Olivia thought this as she sat at her desk, avoiding her paperwork and slightly tapping her pencil on the top of her head. She glanced downward at the paper that lay in front of her, telling herself that the more she did, the quicker she could get out of there. But did she really want to leave the precinct? In a way, it was her second home, and to be perfectly honest with herself, it was the only place she truly felt comfortable… even her own home was beginning to scare her. "Get to work," she muttered to herself, and with a painful tap on the head from her pencil, she glanced down at the paper once more.

She was doing work on a file with a car chase-turned-crash, where a drunken husband had raped his wife, stabbed her in the leg, and threw her in the trunk. But because of his state, he drove into another driver, and killed the other driver, and both of her two twin 3 year old children. Olivia had seen too many of these cases before, and of course the sting in her heart and gut always hurt, but they reoccurred so much that she was beginning to grow numb to them. _"Does that make me a bad person?" _She had once asked her close friend and squad shrink,George Huang.

_George shook his head, the thin line his mouth appearing, as always in a session. "No… it just means that you've grown use to the evilness in this world." _ With George's words ringing through her ears, Olivia attempted, once more, to continue work. The paper read:

3 people deceased in total.

Circle the following:

Wounded. Fatal. Unharmed.

Oh, God. This wasn't rocket science.

Circling "Fatal", Olivia stashed the paper in her "out-box", and looked in her inbox; at least ten more papers. "Oh, that's just great," she muttered angrily to herself, and reached to get another paper.

"Here, let me do a few," She heard her partner, Elliot, say. He stood above his side of his desk, and smiled softly down to Olivia.

"Thanks so much, El," Olivia replied earnestly. "I just want to get home… I think…" She let her voice trail as she thought about the want-factor in her brain, trying to figure out where the arrow was pointing.

Elliot shot her a playful, confused look, and began writing on the paper that rested in front of her. "That case was hard today," he muttered, trying to make conversation.

"Yeah, it was pretty exhausting. I feel so bad for Lily; she's only fourteen. She didn't need to see her mother kill herself." Olivia spoke back, her pencil now on her desk and her hand balancing her head on her desk.

Elliot had done the same, and was now looking Olivia directly in the eyes. "You were pretty close with Lily—you okay now?" Olivia could tell that he meant this sincerely, and for that, she felt her eyes swell up.

"I could just connect with her. I mean, my mother didn't kill herself—well, in a way, she did, but that's not the point. But her angst and self guilt..." she looked down at her shoe, and said clearly, "I know that feeling." She looked back up at Elliot, whose head was angled and looking at her softly.

"Olivia—" he began, but was cut off by a rushed Cragen.

"Guys, get to the roof, now!" He commanded, slipping on his jacket as he ran toward the stairwell. Olivia and Elliot gave each other quick glances, grabbed their guns, and headed towards the roof.

Once reaching the bottom of the stairwell, they instantly bolted up it, catching their breath while sprinting, and not even caring about how cold it was, or what the weather was like. Finally reaching the top, Elliot quickly turned the knob of the roof door, and Olivia's heart froze.

"Lily!" She yelled, instantly stashing her gun in her holster, and walked over to Lily, who was standing on the edge. Olivia didn't even know that Lily was still at the precinct, but she had been at the precinct so many times that maybe, like Olivia, it had become a second home for her, too. "Lily, don't do this." Olivia said, her tone less harsh.

Olivia took another step forward, until Lily turned around and stuck her hand behind her. "Don't move!" She commanded, twisting her head around. "Don't move or I'll jump." Lily spoke, her voice now in the form of a whisper. Lily was wearing jeans, a black hoodie, and flip-flops, Olivia had noted.

"Lily," Olivia said, breathless; the sprinting up the stairs and her fear was effecting her voice. "I know, watching your mother die was a hard thing, but I promise, it gets better." Really, Olivia, really? She asked herself. That's the best you can think of?

"How?" Lily asked, the upper half of her body twisted around. "How the hell do you erase the image of your mother's neck spewing blood everywhere? Please, I want to know." She was being sarcastic, obviously, but she also had a hint of sheer wonderment in her comment.

Olivia scrunched her eyebrows, and inched discreetly forward. "My mother died a few years ago," she spoke, keeping her eyes locked onto Lily's. "She got drunk, and fell down a flight of subway stairs."

Lily looked away from Olivia's eyes in discomfort. "I'm sorry to hear," she spoke; she was brought up in a house of strict manners.

"Thank you," Olivia replied, taking another step closer. She quickly looked up to Lily, to see if she noticed. Seeing that she didn't, Olivia looked over to Elliot and Cragen, who were calling in a jumper team. Elliot had his eyes locked on Olivia, bracing himself for anything Olivia was about to do before she genuinely thought about it. "But you know what got me through it?" Olivia asked. She felt like she was walking on broken glass just to get to Lily.

"What?" Lily ask, shifting her tone to make it sound like a statement.

"Knowing that people cared for me, such as my friends and—" but Olivia stopped abruptly; she honestly had no family. "and colleagues." She finished, quickly catching herself.

Lily darted her eyes to the street below, and then back to Olivia's, processing what she had just heard. "I'm sorry, Olivia." She said after a moment, tears falling freely from her eyes. She took one foot off of the ledge, and quickly decided against it, but began to lose her balance.

"LILY!" Olivia yelled, jumping toward Lily to try and grab her. But it was too late; Lily had fallen off the ledge, and Olivia listened to her yelling until it abruptly stopped, along with a thud and the cracks of various bones.

Olivia's legs instantly crumbled from her own weight, and her torso was quickly wrapped by Elliot's huge, muscle-toned arms. "Shh, love, it's okay," He cooed, grabbing her hand and rubbing it with his thumb. "Shh, Livvy, I'm here now," but even Olivia could detect the wavering in his voice.

As he held her, and she sobbed unconditionally, Olivia thought about what he had said to her. _"Shh, love, it's okay." _Love. He had called her "love". He had used the word that she didn't dare. "Elliot," she sobbed, "Elliot I love you,"

Elliot stopped cooing, and looked down at her, using the same soft eyes as before. "I love you too, Liv." Instead of kissing her, he just tightened his grip around her, his tenderness never faltering.

"Liv? Liv, still with me?" His voice shocked her back into reality, and Olivia found herself still sitting at her desk.

"What…?" Olivia asked, blinking a couple of times and letting her vision focus on Elliot. "What just happened?"

Elliot smiled, and then chuckled. "You fell asleep. I didn't notice until you began moaning, like you were in pain." His face looked sympathetic, his blue eyes glistening.

"Oh…" Olivia muttered, holding her head in her hand. "I had a weird… dream…"

Elliot laughed. "Screw this. I'll tell Cragen that he'll just have to live with the paperwork being turned in on Monday." He walked over to her side of the desk, and squatted in front of her. "Are you okay, Liv?"

Olivia flashed a small smile, and kept it on her face for a moment or two, before replying softly, "I am now."


End file.
